What is now!

Morning cuddles while mama wakes up

Fri, 17 May 2013 09:28:25 -0400

Morning cuddles while mama wakes up

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Thu, 16 May 2013 09:56:49 -0400

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Thu, 16 May 2013 09:56:12 -0400

Grandma Cathy enjoying her baby.

Wed, 15 May 2013 09:57:32 -0400

Grandma Cathy enjoying her baby.

This is what I call a successful plane ride knockout!!

Wed, 15 May 2013 09:56:39 -0400

This is what I call a successful plane ride knockout!!

Healthy Recipes for kids!

Mon, 13 May 2013 17:51:55 -0400

luckymama:

I found some that i’m now dying to try. I will keep adding and let you know the updates if Luciano likes them!

Almond-Crusted Chicken Fingers.

Rotini and Cheese

Mini Turkey Burgers with Gorgonzola

Lemony Green Beans

Pasta with Fresh Tomato-Basil Sauce

Chicken and Guacamole Tostadas

Zucchini Oven Chips

castielhasthephoneb0x: a-study-in-butts: thetwincores: asapmona: rhydonmyhardon: let us have a...

Mon, 13 May 2013 17:30:43 -0400

castielhasthephoneb0x:

a-study-in-butts:

thetwincores:

asapmona:

rhydonmyhardon:

let us have a moment of silence for those who unknowingly dated and broke up with a future celebrity

my math teacher dated Ryan Gosling in highschool.

my neighbor dated bill nye the science guy

well my godmother dated david tennant when they were 16

my boyfriend dated me

Hahaah

meowmeowgtfo: This is happening. So want to do this for Ryan.

Mon, 13 May 2013 17:30:13 -0400

meowmeowgtfo:

This is happening.

So want to do this for Ryan.

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Mon, 13 May 2013 17:29:52 -0400

thedailymeme: It’s not gross at all…

Mon, 13 May 2013 17:29:13 -0400

thedailymeme:

It’s not gross at all…

raisingmybosboy: Also! This is a great guide to foods to feed...

Mon, 13 May 2013 17:28:43 -0400

raisingmybosboy:

Also! This is a great guide to foods to feed your baby and when while weening. Awesome right?

Sounds about right for what we did for my son. Fuck purees.

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Mon, 13 May 2013 17:25:57 -0400

orphanercruelscar: cosmo tip #936: right before you take off the underwear say “THE IMAGES YOU ARE...

Mon, 13 May 2013 17:21:44 -0400

orphanercruelscar:

cosmo tip #936:

right before you take off the underwear say “THE IMAGES YOU ARE ABOUT TO SEE ARE NOT SUITABLE FOR A YOUNGER AUDIENCE. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED”

thefrogman: When a man and a woman are in love and get married,...

Mon, 13 May 2013 17:21:22 -0400

thefrogman:

When a man and a woman are in love and get married, they decide to show their love by participating in the most heinous of acts. Sexual intercourse. They turn off all the lights and the man inserts his rod of evil into the woman’s hole of Satan. They must use the missionary position, as it is improper for the male to face the Lord when humping about and making sex faces.

The male thrusts back and forth for nearly a minute until his penis ejaculates seminal fluid into the vaginal cavity. This unleashes several hundred million little spermies all hellbent on finding an egg and making your life a whole lot more expensive. These guys are excellent swimmers too. Once a sperm is in motion it is then officially a spermatozoon. That’s a fun word. Spermatozoooooooon. Spermatozoooooooooooooon.

Anyway.

The millions of spermatozoa (plural of spermatozoooooon) swim their way up the fallopian tubes. They target an egg and ram their spermy little heads into it. Most of them die from head trauma, but sometimes a lucky little tadpole breaks through and takes up residence inside the ovum…creating an embryo.

Depending on your religious beliefs, this is when life begins or it is just a couple of cells that could develop into a wittle baby. If you are a penguin, you really don’t care either way because your brain is unable to comprehend complex concepts.

Once these two parts have bonded, the embryo does its best to attach to the uterine wall so it can begin dividing and conquering the mama’s belly. You must of course feed this little embryo all sorts of strange things. Like pickles and ice cream. Or peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwiches.

Over the next 9 months those two cells divide into billions of cells creating a fetus.

If you take a picture of this fetus inside the tummy, it will look like an alien creature.

This is normal. You do not have an alien baby.

Then the day comes. The amniotic sac ruptures and the fluid is evacuated out of the vagina. Now…they call this “breaking water,” and even though that fluid is mostly water, there are also proteins, carbohydrates, and even a little pee in it. So if she broke water on your couch, I would give that a decent scrubbing after. Or at least turn the cushion over.

Junior is now ready to squeeze his cantaloupe head through the mother’s golf ball vagina. It’s important that the female breathe like an idiot to distract her from this fact. Typically like, “Hee hee hooooo. Hee hee hooooo.” Once she figures out that doesn’t do shit, she will demand drugs. Give them to her.

Her cervix will dilate. This only happens in centimeters, as doctors are too good for inches. Once it gets to the size of a lemon, they encourage the woman to start pushing. If you offer the woman your hand at this point, she will break every bone in it. I suggest putting your arms behind your back and having an encouraging expression on your face. The female may poop a little, try not to notice that.

Soon the baby’s head will emerge and the doctors may use salad tongs to help pull it out. It will be slimy. It will have goo on it. It will be making strange noises. It will be bright pink and otherworldly.

This is normal. You still do not have an alien baby.

The doctor then gives the baby its first dose of corporal punishment and smacks it firmly to induce breathing. The baby will start crying. Get used to that.

If you were to try and trace this process back to the point of origin, I would say that it all starts with the rod of evil. Which is the delivery mechanism for the spermatozooooons. Which are manufactured and stored in the balls.

So, in conclusion, babies come from men’s balls of sacky malevolence.

[Originally created for Slacktory]

This is hilarious and MASSIVELY NOT SAFE FOR WORK

Mon, 13 May 2013 17:18:37 -0400

This is hilarious and MASSIVELY NOT SAFE FOR WORK:

wilwheaton:

So if you look at it (and you should because it’s equal parts WTF and OMGLOL), you have been warned.

That penis is angled weird to me.

goldtriforce: THE WORST FEEL IS WANTING A VIDEO GAME THAT YOU DON’T HAVE A CONSOLE FOR

Mon, 13 May 2013 17:17:16 -0400

goldtriforce:

THE WORST FEEL IS WANTING A VIDEO GAME THAT YOU DON’T HAVE A CONSOLE FOR

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Mon, 13 May 2013 17:17:05 -0400

fancybidet: princessnecrophilia: im a scientist and very...

Mon, 13 May 2013 17:16:42 -0400

fancybidet:

princessnecrophilia:

im a scientist and very important to know goat part

little ground tappers

harrypottersmum: I wish Professor McGonagall ended all her classes by snapping her fingers, saying...

Mon, 13 May 2013 17:16:19 -0400

harrypottersmum:

I wish Professor McGonagall ended all her classes by snapping her fingers, saying “McGonagone” then strutting out.

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Mon, 13 May 2013 17:15:42 -0400